Faith can take many forms - it can be religious, spiritual, or even faith in oneself or in others. However, there are times when this once steadfast belief can waver, and the world can suddenly seem like a much quieter and more confusing place. In this blog post, I want to take you on a journey through one of my own poems, which delves into the frustration and longing that has lurked in the corners of my heart when I’ve grappled with my beliefs.
The Poem: On The Line
You can find this poem and others in my poetry book, The Journey We Take
"Bruises on my knees, black and blue, as I beg to be heard by you..." These are the opening lines of a poem that I penned during a time when I felt an overwhelming need to connect with God, to break through the barriers that seemed to keep me isolated in a world filled with white noise. Losing faith can feel like screaming into an abyss, as if no one is listening, prayer is useless, and our efforts are in vain. It's the disillusionment that sets in when our pleas seem to fall on deaf ears, and the silence becomes overwhelming. I wanted to paint an image that symbolizes the emotional pain one can experience when repeatedly trying to communicate or be heard, only to be met with what feels like mere indifference or nothingness. Faith may feel like a fragile thing throughout that time, easily shattered by the harsh realities of life. It's a frustration that many of us can relate to in our lives, where we yearn for understanding, empathy, or even a simple acknowledgment of our existence.
"I take claimed certainties with a grain, since time and time again I am left with only the interference of white noise in my brain..." These lines from the poem capture the essence of doubt creeping into the mind. Doubt is often the first step towards losing faith. It's the grain of uncertainty that can erode the solid foundations. But that loss of faith often triggers a profound search for meaning. A period of introspection and questioning, as we attempt to make sense of the world without the comfort of it. During that time, we may explore different philosophies, seek guidance from others, or turn inward in our quest for understanding.
"I am sick of listening to the static and feeling erratic, as I plead into a forsaken void, yelling until the blood vessels in my face pop and I turn crimson red..." my desire to be heard and understood becomes an all-consuming urge and I wanted to evoke a vivid image of that desperation and frustration, with the intensity of emotions capable of causing physical pain.
"Wishing we could make connection, simply by tin cans and thread, because my life’s on the line, and it feels like you keep hitting decline." The reference to "tin cans and thread" represents a longing for a connection, even when faith falters. The imagery supposedly symbolizes the childhood game of tin-can telephone, a time of innocence when my faith stood firm and had yet to experience insecurity.
Just as the seasons change, so do our beliefs and convictions. We discover that faith, much like the resilience of nature, can be reborn. It often happens gradually, as we rebuild it through experiences, connections, and moments of clarity. The journey of losing and rediscovering faith is not linear; it's a cyclical process that reflects the ebb and flow of life itself. Just like us, it can evolve, adapt, and endure. The loss of faith is not a failure but an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and ultimately, a deeper and more authentic faith that resonates with our ever-changing selves. It's a testament to the human spirit's resilience and capacity for renewal, reminding us that even in the darkest of moments, faith can be revived like a phoenix from the ashes.